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Pitch & Putt Archive - Movie Reviews part 4 Star Crash & The Humanoid




Star Crash (1979) & The Humanoid (1979)


So, seasonal affective disorder is kicking in, your feeling suicidal and in need of a good laugh - if you can track them down (try a car boot sale or a charity shop), then these two gems should have you laughing all the way to the Leeds in no time.
Actually, you'll be laughing at them, not with them or even towards them, as this brace of Star Wars rip off's are pretty damn terrible. Cheesoid special 'FX', risible dialogue and incomprehensible plots make this double bill quite a treat. Star Crash, boasts non other than Christopher Plummer and Bond Bird Caroline Munroe (whose character is called 'Stella Star'!) and (lol) David Hasslehoff while The Humanoid stars more Bond cast off's in the shape of Barbara Bach and man giant Richard Kiel with music by non other than Ennio Morricone (for shame!)
Here's the 'plot' for The Humanoid (which I've shamelessly stolen)
Plot: Lord Graal, the evil brother of the Great Brother who rules Metropolis (as Earth is now known), escapes from exile. He steals the substance Capitron from a research institute and fires it at the spaceship of the peaceful police inspector Golob, mutating him into a super-strong humanoid that is invulnerable to all firepower. Graal then places a control device on Golob's forehead and sends him to kill The Great Brother.
- get the gist? No me neither. There's also some creepy Asian kid with psychic powers, and a crappy robot 'dog' that's obviously supposed to be R2-D2. The only decent thing is the out door sets, that look quite groovy in a Tatooine 'desert planet' kind of way.
And the dialogue is a treat, check this from Richard Kiel …." Where in the Cosmos did that space jockey get his licence?"- Eh?
I can't think of any excuse as to why Star Crash is so bad, unless it was made by children. Munroe's co-star, Akton (isn't that in London?) looks like Geddy Lee, and there's a pain the arse robot called L.
Chris Plummer looks like he's been kidnapped and drugged in order to spout the awful dialogue, until you realise he's actually trying to act well. JC

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