Patrick Kagoul Notes from the Frontline Part 8

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

As Billy Connolly correctly spelt.

That's it were through, it's over, 10 years together but no more. I can't live like this, it's gone on too long.
Too many days of waking up head hurting, pain, remorse and long periods of self loathing, recriminations, doubts, large patches of my memory that I can't account for my actions. But it's not that easy to make a clean break is it? No, everywhere I look I see her, every time I go out to the pub, too bars, to clubs she's there and it's so tempting, it would be so easy just to go back, forget my strength, my resolve and to take her back for one last drink.

I was out in a bar with my friends when I was speaking to Mr. Si Timmings and he pointed it out to me first.
The problem.
Did I get really bad hangovers? - Yes.
Did I ever have nights when I couldn't remember much the next day? - Yes.
Did I drink Stella Artois? - Yes.

It was then that the realisation hit me, luckily as it was still early in the night and Stella had not seen off the other still functioning brain cells..
Say it wasn't so, somebody tell me that he was lying, but no, somewhere deep down I knew he was right. My friends had warned me, Jason had always referred to Stella as 'dirty Stella' but I never listened, I couldn't. I never wanted to face up to it, the possibility that this, my great comforter and tasty friends was indeed bad for me.

But it was and it is and for that reason I have tried to separate myself from it, to try to go with other beers but it's just not the same. I go out and what's on offer well it doesn't compare. Everything is weaker it's not as tasty it's not as appealing and on top of that there is the comforting habit that long relationships bring. The security of knowing where you are with the other, or where they are in the shop at least.

All of this I now need to find in my arms another beer. It's not been easy I admit the courtship process is great, no catches no ties just a quick word with the bar staff and that's that, but what about the long term? Well that's a different matter. There are a few contenders at this early stage but well I don't like to say, not while the hurt is still too raw.